Heavy Metal: Great or Greatest Music?

I get it, pop music is catchy, and that’s fine…IF you’re looking for something banal to hum along to while waiting in line at the grocery store. But where’s the intensity? Where’s the guitar solo that makes you feel like you’re battling an army of orcs on a distant planet? Where are the complex themes, the deep social commentary, the ideas that create existential crises? Pop might get your foot tapping, but heavy metal gets your soul tapping.

Pop music: “Let’s dance and be cute!” Heavy metal: “Let’s summon the gods of thunder!”

There’s no contest here.

Do we even need to talk about this? Next genre. Ok! Ok! We’ll take a look.

Country music is full of heartbreak, pickup trucks, and… heartbreak again. Then probably another pickup truck and maybe a dog. But if you’re looking for some real emotional release, try listening to an 8-minute metal guitar solo that’s been honed over decades of angst and disillusionment. It doesn’t even need words to get the point across! Where country music sings about a breakup with a girlfriend, heavy metal sings about the collapse of civilization and the rise of intergalactic warriors. Priorities, right?

County music: “Let’s sit in my truck in a field and talk about high school.” Heavy metal: “The establishment is just there to keep down the proletariat!”

Also, have you ever tried to air-guitar along to a country song? Didn’t think so.

I respect jazz for its technical prowess, the roots it sprouted for other music, and the fact that no one quite understands what’s going on 70% of the time. But if you want music that makes you feel something visceral, like the need to head bang at 65 BPM (music nerds, you get it), heavy metal’s your go-to. Jazz can take you on a journey, but heavy metal takes you on an epic quest, complete with dragons, demons, and possibly Viking helmets.

Jazz: “That was a lovely solo, quite nuanced!” Heavy metal: “Did my face just melt off?“

Exactly.

I admit, hip-hop has flow. But have you ever heard the primal roar of a heavy metal vocalist intertwined with a screaming guitar? It’s not just music, it’s a battle cry. Sure, hip-hop has rhythm, but metal has the kind of energy that could power a small country. While hip-hop gives you clever wordplay, metal gives you the sound of gods shredding the fabric of the universe with nothing but a guitar and the power of their untamed fury.

Hip-Hop: “What rhymes with orange?” Heavy metal: “I will eat your soul!”

So yeah, the roar wins.

I’m not here to throw shade at classical music. I mean c’mon, let’s give credit where credit is due. Without composers like Beethoven and Wagner, we might not have the epic, symphonic elements of modern heavy metal. But the difference? Heavy metal took that energy, cranked it up to 11 and added electric guitars.

Classical: “Use fortissimo? Are you crazy!” Heavy metal: “We’ll start at a mellow fortissimo and go up from there.”

Also, if Beethoven were alive today, I’m pretty sure he’d be playing DesertFest.

What even is this? My sources, aka my kids, inform me that it’s electronic dance music. EDM is known for its drops, but metal has its breakdowns, and if you don’t know the difference, you haven’t lived. While EDM makes you wait for that one moment in the song, heavy metal hits you with a breakdown so intense it feels like you’re being hit by a sonic freight train. Who needs lasers and smoke machines when you’ve got riffs that shake the very earth?

EDM: “Wait for it… wait for it…” Heavy metal: “Here’s a wall of sound. You’re welcome.”

Now get off my lawn!